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Any other day of the year your moral compass wouldn’t have you wrestling a TV out of stranger’s hands, trampling over a person on the ground to get hold of tablet, or fighting for air in your local retailer just to save a couple of quid. But this isn’t any day; it’s Black Friday, which means it’s time to brace yourself because sales are coming. With this in mind, here’s our guide for surviving the 24th November.
This is our simplest survival tip but potentially the most useful. Black Friday was born in America and, much like everything else our friends across the pond have created, it’s bigger and bolder than everyone else’s version. You’ll likely see reports of men, women and children fighting for their lives (and TVs) so we’d suggest avoiding the US entirely till December rolls around. If you happen to find yourself there, lock yourself indoors, make a cup of tea and pretend you’re in Britain.
Your catalogue of fighting moves may have been learned from watching 80s Van Damme classics or by recreating your favourite WWE moments, but these may actually come in handy on Black Friday. If you still remember how to lock in an arm bar or remember the correct technique for a roundhouse kick you’ll be in strong position. If not, there are hundreds of online tutorials available if you need a refresher.
Stamina is the key to any successful Black Friday. You’ll likely be stuck in a queue until the New Year so be prepared to miss Christmas, and you’re going to need as much energy as possible. Since we’re now in winter, your diet will likely be made up mostly of sugar, pack your rations carefully whether that be a full tub of celebrations or a six pack of red bull. Just make sure you’re giving yourself a fighting chance.
Can you actually remember the last time you bought something like a TV or a laptop in a store? If you’re looking for a rough and tumble version of supermarket sweep then Black Friday is for you, but for the rest of us most Black Friday deals are available online anyway, and actually run through most of November and December. So sit back, make sure your WiFi is on point, and proceed to click to your heart’s content.